Did you ever stop to consider that you can choose how you show up?
If you feel slightly dissatisfied with how things are going, it might be worth taking some time to discover more about this.
I joke about being asleep at the wheel twenty years ago. I went along feeling pushed this way and that way by the opinion of others, doing what I had been told was necessary.
I had a vague sense of dissatisfaction but nothing earth-shattering. That was true until the lightning bolts of reality started hitting me with startling regularity. There I was, wondering what the heck happened and meanwhile, my life fell apart completely.
It’s not necessary to go into detail because what is important is that at some point I realized that it was an opportunity to take a good look at who I was and who I wanted to be. I think that’s why there is the term lifelong learning. That certainly applies to me and I had so much to learn.
I didn’t do this in a vacuum. I started listening better and started hearing things that I had never noticed before.
I knew what I didn’t want, but I couldn’t for the life of me, figure out what I did want
I didn’t want to worry so much. I worried about everything. I spent so much time worrying, largely about things I had no control over.
I didn’t want to feel like I wasn’t measuring up but I spent much of my time feeling just that.
I wanted to stop being afraid. My mother was afraid of everything and kindly passed it on to me.
One day, I sat down and made a list of all the things I wanted to become.
I knew it would take a long time- (fortunately, I had no clue how long!)
I made a list of those attributes that I wanted to be part of me and for which I would take a stand: fearlessness, integrity, humor, connectedness, community, generosity, learning, confidence.
My first foray into living into these attributes was signing up for Outward Bound at age 51.- (fearlessness) I was so immensely grateful that I wasn’t the oldest one on that trip – I was the second oldest. But doing that challenged me in ways I never would have dreamed of. It was the singular turning point for me.
It showed me that we can choose to change, to become more of what we want, who we want to be and what we stand for. And best of all, it’s a continuing journey that has encouraged me to take more risks so I could be more.
Things are never quite perfect. If they were, I am quite sure I would sit under a palm tree and read until eyes fell out. There are still many things to work on and also things that will challenge me even more. That’s where the juice is – I somehow never realized it. The juice comes when something is squeezed.