Our Uncivil Internal Conversations

If someone overheard the way you speak to yourself internally, they might faint. Or, they might identify with the harsh words that you use when things aren’t going well.

Learning to speak to yourself with kindness is the first step in improving your sense of confidence and well-being in the world.

The Origins of Your Self-Talk

Have you ever asked yourself where you learned that? Have you considered the repetitive damage you are doing to your own self?

It’s normal to stub your toe and let some kind of expletive erupt from a place of frustration. It’s quite another to keep telling yourself any negative thing in the worst possible way or calling yourself stupid, dumb or worse. Beware! Your mind will start believing you.

Questions to Ask Yourself

Ask yourself what kind of a person are you.

You will say you are kind, thoughtful, and mostly happy.

Now, let me ask you again: “How does that tally with what you actually say to yourself?”

Have you stopped hearing your words because you’ve said these things for so long?

Maybe you heard a parent behaving this way, and to you, it seemed normal. It’s not. It’s toxic, and it affects much of your life. You are probably mildly aware of it. but not fully conscious of it.

Awareness is the first step. What would it sound like if your internal chatter acknowledged the frustrations that we all feel and then told you that you are normal? You are experiencing something temporary and reminded you of how far your journey has taken you.

A Practice for Shifting Negative Self-Talk

Here is something to practice if you want to start shifting that negative talk.

Find several snapshots of you as a child and a few as you grew.

What gifts do you see in the little child? What did you love about him/her?

What did he/she love to do?

As she grew, what gifts did he/she discover about him/herself?

Acknowledge the roads you have taken – good and not so good. Acknowledge the learning, what you have become and what you are still eager to learn.

Finally, tell that child how much you appreciate his/her, love him/her, cherish him/her, and love him/her. Hint: no one is looking at you when you do this so you can be completely yourself.

Every day for a week, think of that last part and remember the love.

Let me know how this works for you too!

You can reach me at: dale@theencouragementproject.com